The Mediocre Work of a Geek

2004-12-31T23:44:00.000+13:00

Oh what would I do without wonderful pieces like this?

I've also noticed I've gotten all these red spots over the back of my neck, perhaps I've caught the plague. That would be pretty cool actually, turn up to see family for Christmas, shake everyones hands and when they ask what you got for Christmas you say the plague.

Chris, will you marry me?

Visit Banzai.

2004-12-31T18:33:00.000+13:00

As of 1 January 2005, I shall be following a life and society changing book - "This Diary Will Change Your Life 2005". And I shall be recording my progress in a new blog - This One - but don't come chasing after me if the bloody link doesn't work. OK?

2004-12-28T23:37:00.000+13:00

And People Say the World Is Unfair!

In a world where Bush is re-elected and Johnny Depp is 40+ years old, sometimes people look for a little chunk of fairness to look to. An island of How The World Should Be in a sea of How The World Is.

Unfortunately, that island is a small attol, and has been destroyed by a tsunami.

I believe I have strong proof of this. A rock solid example of how some people get all the luck.

Me. Look how lucky I am:

I do shit all work - I barely even make my own bed - yet I still get a $100+ a month student allowance to do it. Even when I'm not at school.

I don't study either. I show up to most of my classes and do as little as possible. And I pass everything, usually better than the people who do study.
And no, I am not screwing the teachers.

I live off potato chips, orange juice and vanilla ice cream. I never start the day with a healthy, metabolism-boosting breakfast, and the most exercise I do is walking to the bus stop. And that's not even an every-day thing. I don't gain weight - in fact I lose weight - and I'm on the light side of healthy. I do not have an eating disorder.

My parents buy me everything - clothes, school books, everything - even though I am well old enough to move out and look after myself. Not that I ever plan to do my own ironing.

There is never a party that I'm not invited to.

And I never get a hangover.

Note to self: Do not do cheesy Thanksgiving-style reflection in future.

2004-12-28T22:55:00.000+13:00

On My Crimes Against Humanity:

I admit to breaking the following rules of written language, which is the cornerstone of civilisation.

Not capitalising the first letters of sentences.

Not capitalising the I in "I".

Using "4" instead of "for", etc.

Overusing sarcasm and irony.

Using listing instead of full sentences. Oh, screw it.

Note: I broke most of these rules when I started this blog, when I was a high school junior, two years ago, and trying to be all moody and teenage.

2004-12-27T01:03:00.000+13:00

And Finally, Everything Is Right With The World

[ Refer to post of 3 Feb, 2004 ]

Remember how, ages ago, I auditioned for a part in a youth theatre company, and didn't get in? In fact, I was busted right down for being too uptight. Well I sure showed the auditioner where to put it.

A few months ago I was invited to join an even more exclusive company. INVITED. Yeah, shove lower youth, I was in with the Big Guys. I didn't even audition. And guess who was the leader of this group? The auditioner of the first group. HAH! The head of the drama school asked if I would join, going right over the Hideous Cow's head.

But this silver lining had a cloud - the other students in the group were Right Little Bastards. They smoked and drank before a rehersal, now come on, that's just not right. Yes, they were capable, talented even, but boy were they ratty if you told them they smelt like a house fire. We never got anything done, but I was only with them for a term anyway.

The Right Little Bastards would sit around bitching about how their cars were rust buckets, and talking to God about oral sex, while the Hideous Cow would kindly ask them to next time, please, maybe, please, wear something a little more, um, suitable, than a, erm, mini skirt and bikini top to the studio.

I'm not going to re-audition in 2005.

2004-12-26T20:41:00.000+13:00

"I was given Christmas socks for my birthday", and other Bad Gifts

My birthday is a week before December 25. I know that I can't complain too much about getting birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper (even though it is still very bad manners), or even recieving Christmas cards before my birthday (although, again, it is rude to a Christmas Baby to overwhelm them with Christmas cheer on their birthday). But I draw the line at Christmas-themed gifts. You know - novelty Santa socks, mugs, hats. In fact, I draw the line at themed gifts for any occasion. They're only useful characteristic is irony.
So I've made a list of some of the shittiest gifts I've gotten since I started high school:

- Hand cream for dry hands. I don't have dry hands.

- Musk scented deodorant. I hate musk. I don't smell. I was given this by a friend. I can only hope she mixed me up with someone else and gave me the wrong gift.

- A cheap picture frame with seahorses on it. Not only was it very tacky, but I hate most sealife (including seahorses).

- A spoon.

- A $2 figurine from a discount store of the most ugly rat in a trash can. When the person gave it to me, she nudged me and said "Remember that day?! Heh." I don't remember that day.

- An Easter egg. On Christmas Day.

- Hundreds of cheap cat-themed calenders. Because I have a cat.

- Floating candles. From my 'best friend', who knows that I'm petrified that candles will burn down my house.

- A huge citronella candle to repell mosquitoes. I am never bitten by mosquitoes, I don't know why, but it has nothing to do with huge citronella candles. (Also see above.)

- A hip hop compilation album.

Listing is probably the easiest way to make a short post look way longer than it is. Try it, fellow bloggers, let's make it fashionable.

2004-12-16T20:36:00.000+13:00

Ever wondered what would happen if you gave your cat drugs?

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/kittycat.php

Ode To An Irishman

Mister Incredible
I find you oh so edible.
Black hair, green eyes -
Only your temper do I despise.
But OH does your style cramp,
you naughty little Irish scamp,
When you're sober, in the cold light of day.

You had a girlfriend once - she died
If it weren't for the bottle, you'd've cried.
We tallied your drinks
Near a thousand it brinks.
So we called the ambulance,
But this was your stance -
If it moves, it you abused, so the doctors said "eff off , Mr Incredible."

Personality and drink
Matter not, I do think
Now about your present squeeze –
Her name, could you tell us please?
For to hunt her down
And watch her drown
Would be awfully fun … but not for her, obviously.

(I wrote that myself, so shut up)
For it to make sense, follow these links:
Dylan Moran
Black Books - note: Bernard

2004-11-30T21:24:00.000+13:00

No, I haven't joined a cult or, worse, disconnected myself from the internet, I just haven't been posting.

There's a reason I haven't been blogging - I hate the new Blogger. I truely do. I want to be able to refer to past posts without all this frigging around.
"But Mog, it's easier to use!" - fuck off you fool, don't you realise that only really stupid people didn't know how to use the old Blogger format? And if you're really that dumb, should you really have a blog in the first place?

Anyway, I was reminded of this site when I was clearing out my Favourites just now...
If you're anything like me, you use the Favourites folder for every site you might ever use again. And once a month you have to go through it because you realise that, for some reason, you don't want to revisit a site on non-alcoholic beverages.
Well, while doing my November clear-out, I re-discovered (as I do) this guy's blog - http://banzaiwolf.blogspot.com/, and read the following classic line:

And just so you know, it's really hard to take a leak when you can hear your
nextdoor neighbours having sex.

Other odd things found in my Favourites included:
Bin Laden Liquors
End of World
Jesus Dress Up!
The Real Hussein
The Hole - Actually, I still find this one quite entertaining ... small things for small minds ...
Schnoogle - I must have bookmarked this when I was feeling ultra-lame, because this site is everything I hate.
Nutters Say Fridge
Judaism 101
Church Sign Generator
Bomb Saddam!

I feel like I've been really mean to Saddam Hussein, but I'm not totally sure why ...

2004-10-17T18:41:00.000+13:00

Does anyone else realise that it's about a year since I actually wrote a proper post?
Do you know why?
I don't know for sure. But I think it has something to do with boys.
Yes, boys. Can't live with them, won't live without them.
No, I haven't suddenly become the town bicycle (everyone gets a ride ...), and guys haven't suddenly realised how stunningly beautiful I am. Sadly, these are not the reasons.
I've been talking to more people on MSN (well, actually Trillian, because MSN sucks), and the two main people just happen to be guys in my class.
And one of them happens to be very nice. And kinda hot.
Anyway, that's my excuse.
I might be back ...

PS. Look at all this fancy new shit that's been added to Blogger while I was gone!

2004-06-18T22:33:00.000+12:00

I am very very ashamed. I haven't posted since ... oh, um, late May. And as far as I remember that was also a post appologising for a post drought - but as we all should know, my memory isn't up to much.
I'll just catch up with the latest news (as an excuse to 1.) say SOMETHING, 2.) give an excuse for no posting):

My best friend and I got in a huge amount of trouble involving an unfortunate combination of a Saturday night, mother's gin and parental-party-crashing. Of course I can't remember it, as I was unconcious on the floor at the time. I woke up at 4am in the recovery position feeling very confused and suffering from strange flashbacks. What actually happened? I sure as hell can't remember anything that I'm going to repeat to an audience.

I just finished a killer research project for English. Who the hell wants to read 5000 words on the language of advertising anyway? Now that that's out of the way, I'm busy pretending to be busy, while I'm actually frittering away my time playing Freecell.

And now music shall ensue. No, not right now - maybe a few weeks when everything's sorted out. I finally have a band - and an interesting one at that. I don't know a bassist, so I've got a cellist instead. A rather novel idea, I think. Anyway, every good rock band has a bass of one sort or the other. We are currently sorting out some "creative differences" between band members, which amount to, in essence rock vs pop rock. Karen and I would rather slit our wrists and bleed on my mother's cream carpet than play pop-rock, but we have the upper hand - we are NEEDED in a band (Karen - electric guitar, can provide equipment; me - drums, garage to reherse in).

Yurgh, I'm sick of this. I'm leaving.

PS. Go to boredatwork.com. It's entertainment. Almost as good as Freecell.

2004-05-22T20:39:00.000+12:00

Sorry for the lack of posts of recent times. I always forget. Anyway, here's just a little conversation I just had with my mother:

Mother: Oh, and can you tell me how to get rid of these things ...
Me: What things? [ we are sitting in the living room at the time ]
Her: Those thingys about ink cartidges that pop up ... something about being indredulous ...
Me: What?
Her: You know, on the email. My email. Internet Explorer.
Me: You mean Outlook Express?
Her: Yeah, the Internet. Anyways, there's these thingies that come up when I'm in my Internet -
Me: - INBOX?
Her: Yes.
Me: So, wait, you're getting messages in your inbox? Spam?
Her: No, not spam. Pop-up ads.
Me: Where do they pop up?
Her: In the place the emails come. It says 'recieving new message', then this thing about incredulous ink cartidges come up.
Me: That's an advertisement.
Her: No it's a webpage. It has pictures. My emails only have words, but this one had pictures.
Me: No, it's still an email.
Her: Michael [ my father ] - come and tell your daughter that it's a webpage. [ pointing meaninglessly in front of her ]
Father: What is? No, that's a television.

Obviously menopausal women and computers don't mix as well as one would expect. After all, they are both tempermental, prone to overheating, and easily replaced with a newer model.

2004-04-18T22:42:00.000+12:00

Preachers, And Why They Are The Scum Of The Earth

The "Holier Than Thou" attitude is spreading. It's not just the religious anymore, although don't get me wrong, the Christians are getting more obnoxious.

Listening to talkback, 9 - 12, Sunday night on Channel Z, this chick calls up with the word of Straight Edge. Not only does she not know the roots of her philosophy (Mormon, by the way, not Punk Rock), but she only had one way to justify her dissing everyone else.

But I shall leave it no longer - here is my long-awaited bitch on Christians.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christianity, I just don't like Christians. The day I like the Christian church is the day that they:
- accept homosexual marriages, and embrace the gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transexual community.
- stop harrassing me when I'm minding my own business, and stop sending misonaries overseas. These people need food, water and healthcare, they don't need religion.
- stop using the Bible as a defence for your behaviour. Remember, the Bible also says you can't touch a menstruating woman, but we don't think that anymore, do we?

So I'm sitting down at the bus depo, waiting for the 5.10pm, minding my own business, writing a letter to a friend of mine. All of a sudden this pair of bulky polynesians come up to me. "Hi" one says "Have you heard the word of Jesus?"

And this other time, I'm in Science, again, minding my own business. I just happen to be writing a letter, again, to a friend (as you do, in Science), discussing Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, when my friend leans over, reads what I've written, and screams "YOU! YOU! YOU HEATHEN! How dare you agree with those those those HOMOSEXUALS!! You and all their kind shall go to hell!"

The other day I was sitting around watching TV, when on comes an ad. The slogan "Jesus Loves You" flashes up, along with the number "0508 4MERCY"

The above are just a few of times this month that I have been harrassed and offended by the Christian church. Just last week a friend of mine walked out of The Passion Of The Christ because she found it repulsive. I haven't even been - I'm not paying anyone (Mel Gibson) money to watch anti-Jew propoganda. I'm not Jewish, but I would be if I could still eat bacon. (Personally, I don't see why God wants pig farmers to go out of business, but it made sense at the time, so I suppose it still makes sense.)

A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

Not everyone needs a religion to have morals.

Offended? Agree? Email me

2004-04-11T22:22:00.000+12:00

A girl like me needs a special kind of man - a good one. So, without further ado, here is

Things a perfect man would need to be:

Inspector Fred Abberline (Johnny Depp) in From Hell (2001)
- very relaxed (thanks to an addiction to opium)
- sensitive
- Johnny Depp

Mitzi (Hugo Weaving) in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)
- sensitive, new-age
- slightly gay

Neo (Keanu Reeves) in The Matrix (1999)
- gifted
- geeky
- intelligent
- left-handed
- Keanu Reeves

Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) in Back To The Future (1985)
- sweet
- treats his girlfriend nicely
- has a wacky scientist as a friend, and just happens to get into adventures
- Michael J. Fox

Lee in the book Tomorrow, When The War Began by John Marsden
- a musician
- romantic
- exotic
- insistent
- caring
- (has the added bonus of looking however the reader likes, something which real men don't come with the option of)

[ May be updated later, but I make no promises. ]

2004-04-10T20:42:00.000+12:00

I'm left-handed, so what?

The following is a list of things I can do, because of, or despite of, my left hand.

- write without smudging the ink.
- opperate a light switch located to my right.
- button/unbutton my button-fly jeans with one hand.
- open doors with hinges on the right side, including fridge doors.
- play softball using a right-hand mitt.
- knit how my (right-handed) Nana taught me.
- open jars, unscrew screws and 'click' Bic ballpoint pens. (Yes, they are all right-handed)
- write in 'mirror writing' perfectly.
- write upside-down, neatly and quickly.
- I have never had to practice to get my hands/arms of equal strength. Especially handy for piano and drums (both of which I play).
- mock right-handeds who only pick things up with their right hand.
- tell you if any person is left- / right - handed, or ambidextrous. Anyone I have ever seen write.
- write on a white/black board.
- use an ordinary, run-of-the-mill can-opener.
- drive a person insane simply by sitting on their right in classes.

Yes. Let's all point and laugh at the poor left-hander.

I'm not about to apply for a disability pension, so don't treat me like an invalid.

[ RIGHT-HANDEDS' REVENGE: left-handed people die an average of 9 years earlier. ]

2004-04-06T19:24:00.000+12:00

5 Most Tasteless Links To Provide On The Aniversary Of Kurt Cobain's Death

- Photograph of the crime scene

- Photograph of his blown up head

- His suicide note

- The translation of his suicide note, just in case you can't read the original.

- A copy of his death certificate

The fact these things are on the internet is revolting to start with - how disrespectful are we?

[ For those who don't know, Cobain was the lead singer of Nirvana, who died in 1994. Whether it was suicide or murder, the hardcore fans are still discussing. Evidence points to suicide. ]

2004-04-05T19:00:00.000+12:00

On my post of Wed Mar 10

Oh the oddness of it all. I've had many requests to review sites in the past few weeks, yet the authors of these pages seem to ignore the fact I'm 15 (younger than the authors of ALL pages submitted). At school if I did this, no one would take me seriously because, well, I'm 15 and don't look like I should know what I'm talking about. Also, my ideas on web design are unconventional, to say the least. Most professional web-designers have the idea that more IS more, whereas I always say much the opposite. Is there irony?
Sure is.

Consider this: I review your page for a bit of a hobby, and think of it a little as community service. You take my suggestions seriously, despite the fact no one in 'real life' would. Who is Queen of the Internet?
You may bow before me.

2004-04-05T18:50:00.000+12:00

Bic Runga thinks NZ is a racist country. Read more. And then read this.

2004-03-10T21:50:00.000+13:00

Not sure your webpage is any good? Get me to read it!

In my never-ending quest to better the 'net, I am offering my services as a webpage consultant. Send me your URL, and I will look over your work. A short review will be sent back in an email ASAP.

Disclaimer: All pages submitted for review are eligible for public review, with URL, website name and content posted on this site. All reviews will be solely the opinion of the author of this page, and no correspondence will be entered in to.
If you wish any content about your site to be REMOVED from "The Mediocre Work of a Geek", then email me with a formal request of removal.
Also note that not all, if any, sites will get formal recognition on this site. Bribes will not be accepted, but please note the author likes chocolate.

Still want me to take a look? Email me the URL and I'll take it from there.

2004-03-02T20:13:00.000+13:00

Eleven Oscars My Arse. I Still Don't Like Lord Of The Rings.

Its not New Zealand's achievement - its their achievement. Would the NZ media PLEASE understand that?! I didn't write the script, I didn't glue a beard to Gandalf's face, and I wasn't an extra. I'm still a New Zealander, aren't I?

2004-02-25T20:25:00.000+13:00

I Smell Racism

New Zealand and race relations do not seem to mix - no matter what it seems to other countries. There is still a mighty divide between 'New Zealand Europeans' and everyone else. There are significant differences between health, education and employment statistics for New Zealanders, and therefore 'target groups' get special funding. Its not white middle class New Zealanders who die of smoking- and/or obesity-related illnesses. As a white middle class New Zealand student, I still don't understand why my Polynesian and Maori peers should get special funding and scholarships based solely on their ethnicity.

What makes Maori and Pacific Islanders so special? Is it because they repeatedly fail in the educational system where white middle class children excell? Is it because they and their families are due to die several years earlier than their NZ European counterparts because of their lifestyle-related illnesses?

Is it simply because they are in the minority?
And here I was thinking that New Zealand treated all people equally, regardless of colour, race, religion, gender, sexuality and education levels. Clearly not.

Ignoring the next obvious subject of homosexual marriage, I will continue to argue my ( and that of all NZ Europeans ) case.
I am a high-achieving highly educated white adolescent female. I was born in New Zealand, and both my parents are legally allowed to live, work and breed in this country.
Why then, does a low- to average-achieving Maori or Polynesian get a scholarship to a university, when I have to pay full fees?
Will I somehow manage to earn more money once I am qualified, so that I can pay back my student loan of $25 000+ faster than someone with the exact same training, and presumably the same enthusiam to work?
Yes, I know this all may seem a little racist in itself.
After all, even I can see the hint of irony in an article about racism containing implied ( or otherwise ) racist opinions.
But this is how my 'politically correct' country has trained me to be.

Things to back me up:
NZ ethnicity figures 1991/96
Maori and Pacific Islanders leaving with no secondary school qualifications

2004-02-24T21:20:00.000+13:00

Oh frick.
I haven't been updating (or checking my inbox) for quite some time.
Take this as my appology.

It's not my fault thought. Its Valentine's Day. It always brings me down. How can I be cheery when my friend is semi-dating some tall guy with a delightful English accent who's brother is someone quite famous ... I can't say who, but I can provide this *cough* link *cough*
I never said a thing.

I have something I've been meaning to do for a while:

How do I get visitors to my blog?
I get asked this more often than one may think, so here is my
OFFICIAL BLOGGING GUIDE:

Follow this and you'll get a readership within a month.* Guaranteed.
* Two months, tops.

1.) Get a good URL.
( The URL is the thing you type in the little box to get you places on the WWW. Dur. )

2.) Devise an interesting title.
It doesn't need to be genius ( mine certainly isn't ), but for the love of God make it enticing. A combination of 'ramblings', 'writings' and/or 'scribblings' is a common but wise choice for first-time bloggers.
A title tells prospective readers of the quality of your writing. Spending time creating a suitable title is a good idea, as you don't want to change the title too often - this will confuse readers.

3.) Update your sidebar.
I don't care if you have just gotten the blog, surely there is SOMETHING you can link to?! Google is a good one - not only is Google the best search engine in the universe, but its a good sidebar-filler. Other recommendations are to visit bored.com and pick up something from there.
Even the biggest thick-arse can learn to alter the sidebar. Don't use ignorance as an excuse.

4.) Stick to text-only.
Nobody with half a mind wants to see pictures everywhere. Stick to a simple layout. No smilies, music, fancy backgrounds, etc etc ...

5.) Spelling, punctuation and grammar.
You've been to primary school. If you learnt anything, please God may it be spelling, punctuation and grammar.
You heard me. Use capital letters where they're needed. Full sentences have a full stop at the end, and a capital letter at the beginning. Similarly, 'I' as in 'me', as in 'I am', is a CAPITAL. Proper nouns ( names of people, places ... ) have capitals, eg. Susan, Paris, Mt Everest...
Using proper writing conventions helps people read your writing. No one sticks around if they can't decifer what you are trying to say.

6.) Publicising is the key.
People can't read your writing if they can't find you. Submit your site to as many blog search engines as possible, using the best combination of keywords/descriptions as possible.
Be honest. Don't say your site is funny if its not, and don't say you're a 19yr-old schoolgirl if you're a fat bald truck driver.

Follow these six easy steps, any you should be well on your way to blogging success. ( Note: I hold no responsibility if these do not work. Perhaps you are just not good at writing. )

2004-02-14T23:54:00.000+13:00

My Top 3 Movies, and Why They Are So Great

Big Fish - Directed by Tim Burton
A Superb film, if ever I saw one. The tall tales and fantastical characters make this a lovely fantasy film you've simply got to love. If I had one complaint, it would be that the narration at the begining and end is a little cheesy.

Links and references:
Big Fish
Tim Burton

The Matrix - Directed by Andy and Larry Wachowski
Note: This is only the FIRST Matrix movie. The other two were a waste of time and money.
Full of religious, media and historical allusions, teamed with fighting and a hint of a love story, this is film made on two levels. The first is simply the superficial story, with a bit of action, a bit of romance and a hovercraft. The second is a more interesting idea, filled with deep and meaningful themes and references.

Links and references:
The Matrix
Andy and Larry Wachowski
Matrix Essays

Blow - Directed by Ted Demme
I just found out the director's dead. Just to top it off, the cardiac arrest is suspected to be related to cocaine useage.
Blow is based on the true story of George Jung, a drug smuggler who brought cocaine to the US. Its a heavy drama, with little humour. It does have a bit of gun-related fighting, which is about as much as could be expected.

Links and references:
Blow
BBC: Blow director Demme dies

2004-02-11T21:35:00.000+13:00

I STRONGLY recommend this fantastic blog. A little dark and whingy sometimes, but it adds to the charm.

http://banzaiwolf.blogspot.com

Take the link. You will not be disappointed.

2004-02-11T20:47:00.000+13:00

After much procrastination, today is the offical day of updated-side-bars.

The first is a New Zealand girl's blog: http://clarabellabina.blogspot.com
Although, I admit, it has smilies, I can condone them, as New Zealanders should advertise their writings more. A very read-able blog. ( If the John Lennon obsession / fettish scares you, wait until you read the posts ... )

The next link, I shall give its own special post.

2004-02-08T00:11:00.000+13:00

Graphics Was Where The Web Went Wrong

For those of you still burdened with a 56K modem, you will understand my anger at sites who use the < blink > tag, elaborate backgrounds, images, flash movies, etc.

If Tim Berners-Lee was dead, he'd be turning in his grave. Unfortunately, he's not dead, and has had to see his idea go to the dogs.

I blame Netscape (just because everyone else does, I dont actually know much about it).

I agree with Berners-Lee that the Web should have been kept purely text-based. Although I recognise that pictures, video, etc are fun, informative and the next logical step in Web-based publication, I don't have to like it.

Making the web easy to use was where they went wrong. I believe the internet should be a purely geek-only medium. Instant messaging is fun, but some people were simply not meant to use a computer. If you have visited a site on fashion/beauty, and its not porn, then you should have your computer confiscated. You are the reason Tech Support people go insane.

[ Come back later. I will finish this in a few days. ]

Resources and background information:
How The Web Was Born
CERN - The WWW
CERN - The Web and the Internet
CERN - History of the WWW
CERN - How the Web Works
Tim Berners-Lee

[ DISCLAIMER: All opinions are assumed after reading articles, quotes, and other literature. This website, its author, or anyone else associated with the publication of this text is in no way associated with anybody or anything. All information, links, etc in this text is believed to be correct and time of publication. The author does not recommend any information from this article be used in research projects, but if quoting directly from the text, it is asked that a link / URL be supplied so you don't look like such a wanker for not thinking up your own words. If anything has been left out of this disclaimer, you can bet your life its meant to be here, and will be enforced at any point without prior notice. ]

2004-02-05T20:18:00.000+13:00

Got an uneasy feeling? So do I.

You know when you get invited to a birthday party of someone you hardly know? I just have been.
Do you know what's worse? She has only invited one of my other friends, so I can't talk about it around anyone but Kiri. (I'm trying to avoid foot-in-mouth disease.)

Oh, oh dear.

And now I shall whinge about my booboo:

I have carpet burn and it is bleeding.

And it hurts quite a bit.

"Why do you have carpet burn, Mog?"
So glad you asked. On Tuesday, at my audition, I got carpet burn from sliding around on my knee on linolium (OK, so its not technically carpet burn).
Today (Thursday), I had a great first drama lesson. Great, except for the resulting carpet burn on my right knee. Did I mention it is bleeding? I crawled across the room several times, was dragged on my knees 5 metres quickly, walked around on my knees for 3 mins, and yet it only started bleeding when I hit it with my shoe on the way home.

It wasn't even a pointy shoe.

Do you have a cure? If so, email me.

2004-02-05T20:01:00.000+13:00

There are some things I just have to share with the world. One is this:

Badger Badger Badger

Who needs a hobby when you can watch this all day?

2004-02-03T21:46:00.000+13:00

"I never wanted to be in it anyway ..."

I just auditioned for a youth drama company, and was gutted when told that I should 'try taking some hip hop lessons', then I might have a chance next year. Hmm, yes, right. Like I'm going to be seen dead doing dance classes. I very much dislike (as opposed to 'hate') people who take hip hop dance lessons. I think they are as close to the scum of the earth as humanly possible without being President Bush.

Apparently I'm too uptight on stage. Sorry, I just dont like dancing enough to prance about looking like a fool in a leotard.

So, instead of crying pathetically about my rejection, I've compiled this list of reasons I never wanted to be in it anyway:

1.) The people in the company are annoying and overly-outgoing. I don't like them much.
2.) Stupid annoying drama teacher is teaching it (note: she is only stupid and annoying now she has failed to realise my incredible talent. cough.).
3.) Too many attractive males are in it - I could never concentrate.
4.) I'm not good with commitment.
5.) I'm planning to keep myself very busy this year, and dont really have the time.
6.) President Bush would have wanted me to get in.
7.) I can't remember scripts for anything, after that incident with the varnish.*
8.) Who needs to make new friends when I get several emails a day from a person called 'Mr Big'? I don't know why he's trying to sell me Viagra, but he's awfully nice about it.

[ * Note: there have not been any incidents with varnish. ]

2004-02-02T20:13:00.000+13:00

New Zealand Idol simply wasn't made to be.

Interested in NZ Idol? I'm not.
Last night was the first show, aired on TV2 at 7.30pm. Today I must have been asked if I had seen the show a dozen times. At about 11am, I just started walking up to people and saying "I haven't seen NZ Idol, how are you?"

For those of you who don't know, the 'Idol' formatt is just like 'Popstars' or 'Wannabes' - sad, lonely losers try their luck at singing their way to fame. Most are just made fun of on TV - public humiliation obviously equals intelligent humour. The ones that are slightly above average become semi-finalists, then whittled down until there are just a few left. Then they have a mighty big sing-off, with lots of public voting and whatnot. All in all a great way to rake in the cash.

Except to make money you must first spend, and since NZ Idol has such a small budget, I'm doubting they'll even break even.

[ I'll probably update this later, so come back later for more. Also, if you have any additional info I could use, email me ]

links to:
NZ Idol
NZ Idol Blog

articles of relevance:
NZ Idol mangled and dated - but still great television
NZ Idol will have unique 'defining odour' says producer
NZ Idol judge promises to be 'honest'
No mean streak in idol judges
Idol hopefuls queue for stardom
Showbiz: 'World Idol' pointless says Simon Cowell

Other Idols:
Australian Idol
American Idol
Canadian Idol
Pop Idol
World Idol

2004-02-01T04:01:00.000+13:00

Just had a lovely chat / bitch session with a chick from my school. She's remarkably clued-in to the fact Hot-In-Glasses Mike* was pursuing her for the past 6months, dispite what everyone else thinks. We also psycho-analysed Rupert, deciding he's an attention-seeker with huge mood swings.
Rupert's mood swings are something to be reckoned with. I talk to him most nights on MSN, and most nights, just before he leaves, he goes completely agro. Take this conversation last night:

Rupert: ur pathetic
Mog: i dont try
Rupert: every now and then u go " ooh ooh ive got an idea for your future career"
Rupert: imean
Rupert: theyre not funny at all
Rupert: those ideas suck even if theyre meant to be jokes they suck

It keeps going, but I'd rather not post all the insults I had thrown at me, if that's OK with you folks.

And this is all he had to say in appology:

Rupert: nah im really sorry i dont know why i said that stuff

Obviously he said it because 1.) it was late at night and he was tired, 2.) he's a very moody teenage boy.
Very, very moody.
This evening wasn't much better. He started ripping into me after I suggested he had been sniffing glue (he wasn't making much sense, much like someone who's high on glue). Rip rip rip. Insult after insult. If I knew him better I would say something back (much along the lines of "If you can't keep your shitty mood to yourself, can you at least not dump it on me?"). But alas, I am too polite and so I hold my tongue.

[ * Not his real name. ( People still think that's his real name! ) ]

2004-02-01T00:46:00.000+13:00

Legally Blonde 2 Is A Bad Movie

As if the first wasnt bad enough, they had to come out with a second crappy movie! It has a poor plot, awful characters and makes little sense at all. How come such an air-head got into such a position of relative power is beyond me. But, after all, it is America, and anything is possible. (Look who they have for a President.)

Actually, while I'm on it:

Who Actually Voted for Bush?

Its common knowledge Americans are stupid, but surely the entire country can't be stupid. I remember at the time there was a lot of controversy over who actually won, but it turns out Bush got the presidency and the world has gone steadily downhill from there.
Instead of feeding the starving and educating the illiterate, he's off spending billions of US dollars bombing the shit out of Iraq. And after all that bombing, he didn't even kill Saddam, he had to fish the poor guy out of a hole. Wow, well done, President Bush. Thank God the world's biggest superpower has you as their leader.

"If You're Happy And You Know It Bomb Iraq"

[ UPDATE: US military budget is over US$379 billion. Source: http://www.cdi.org/budget/2004/ ]

2004-01-31T01:34:00.000+13:00

'Friends' never made sense

Do you remember that sitcom that won tons of awards and lasted for yonks? Yeah, I'm sure you've watched it. No doubt you liked it. But have you even taken the time to actually think about the plot, setting and characters?

How come Monica lost all that weight (from her High School days until when the programme started) even though she is a cook who tastes everything?

And why do Joey and Phoebe never have any main roles in the plots? Even when Phoebe was pregnant with her brother's triplets she didn't get much attention. While I'm on the subject - surely being the surrogate mother for your brother's children is illegal on a technicality in America?

Why were Chandler and Joey allowed to keep a duck and a chicken in their apartment? And why would anyone WANT to keep poultry in their home? Also, where did the birds go? They disappeared after a few shows, and I never found out why.

Why is a whinging bitch like Ross having an on / off / on again relationship with a fashionable snob like Rachael? How come Rachael and Ross presumably had unprotected sex at least dozens of times while they were dating, it was when they 'accidently' had sex that she gets pregnant?

Who looked after the baby while Rachael was shopping / at the coffee shop / hanging around at Monica's before she moved into Ross's and started looking for a nanny?

How do the characters afford all their nice clothes and lifestyle? All they do is hang around in a coffee shop all day, and they're never 'on their way' or 'just home from' work. Joey lives a classy lifestyle, yet he is an underemployed actor. What is Chandler's job, and how come he was transfered to Tulsa to do it?

What's a fat sarcastic man like Chandler doing with a stunner like Monica? Doesn't she know she can do better now that she's thin?

What happened to Ross's afro?

2004-01-27T22:04:00.000+13:00

You know you're living in Northland when ...

- You refer to you're dog and you're mother by the same name - "the Bitch"

- You live with 17 of your cousins, in a two-bedroom cottage.

- You collect your own seafood.

- The supermarket is over 30mins drive from your home.

- You refer to Wellsford as 'the city'.

- You can recieve less than two radio stations, even when you climb onto your roof.

- 'Sheepworld' is an exciting theme park.

- You think Auckland smells funny.

- You think jandals* are 'flash' footwear.

- It takes more than an hour to drive to a polluted beach (one which you cannot swim in for fear of becoming infertile).

- You have sand in your hair for more than three days running, yet you haven't been to the beach.

* Jandals, also called 'thongs', are sandals which are held on to your feet with a strap that goes between your big toe and your second-biggest. They are generally made of rubber and are extremely inexpensive.

If two or more of the preceeding statements apply to you, help is available.
The 'I've Just Realised I'm a Northlander' helpline is open from 8am til 7pm, Monday to Friday (excluding public holidays). Freephone 1800 OH FUCK.

2004-01-27T21:29:00.000+13:00

Just in case you missed the hints ...

I do not like:
- smilies
- web counters
- Asian-style cartoons
- bad and/or cheap-looking wwwpage layouts
- webrings
- use of cutesy prases (eg. "hehe")
and more which I dont have the time to list ...

And, if you have a site like {link removed} , then dont:
1) ask me to join your webring
2) provide me with a link, so that I can 'take a look'
3) expect me to be as polite (although I usually am)

I'm sorry, {name removed} , but you just pushed all the wrong buttons.

[ If you are {name removed} , and would like me to remove links/names, then email me and I'll sort something out. ]

[ UPDATE: links and names removed after request, I appologise for any offense taken, I meant nothing personal ]

2004-01-18T12:42:00.000+13:00

Oh, its Sunday ...

Shit, on the 20th, or 21st or something my exam results come out.
I'll be on holiday, so it doesnt bother me.

Meh, I'll blog in a few weeks. When I get back to school and whatnot.

2004-01-18T12:41:00.000+13:00

No, I'm not neglecting this blog, I'm about to go on holiday.

I'll be back overnight on Wednesday, then I'll be back by the 27th ... or about then. I dunno. What day is it today? Saturday or Monday?

2004-01-14T01:04:00.000+13:00

Denny's has never be a classy restaurant

If you even inist on calling that place a restaurant. It is a fast food shop. Don't believe me? Why does it have a drive-thru?

While I was double-checking the links for this, I came upon an advertisement informing me that Denny's has breakfasts!! Wow, there's nothing I'd love more than starting my day at the place which has a drive-thru. (cough, McDonalds, cough)

Let me share with you the new facts I learnt about Denny's breakfast meals:

- The 'All-American Slam', which consists of 'Three eggs scrambled with Cheddar cheese. Served with hash browns or grits, two strips of bacon, two sausage links and choice of bread.'
Yes, I would agree this is an 'All-American' meal - after all, almost 65% of Americans (over 20yrs of age) are overweight (in 1999-2000 stats).
Also, what are 'grits'? I assume theyre some form of potato. We obviously dont have them down here.

- The name 'Lumberjack Slam' sounds odd to me - as, unless I am completely mistaken, lumberjacks are a dying breed and rarely go to Denny's for their breakfast.

- Also, the 'Farmer's Slam' must be wrongly named, as farmers dont go into town for a breakfast at Denny's before going out to milk the cows at 4am every morning.

- You can buy an 'Oatmeal Deluxe' meal, which if you have it with dry toast has less than 15grams of fat. Now that, is a good deal.

- 'Denny's serves margarine. Butter available upon request.'

I found out their American slogan is "A good place to sit and eat", which is somewhat different from what I would give the place.

They offer a 'Seniors Menu' - why are seniors any different from anyone else? As far as I can tell, the only difference is that they get less in the meal than the regular alternative.

Now, I dont know about in America, but here in NZ theres only one sort that goes to Denny's - white trash. You walk past a Denny's and you can practically smell the mullets. Usually its families - an overweight mother, a step-father with a mullet, and four kids (who also have mullets). I cant emphasise the mullets enough. If I were to walk into a Denny's 'restaurant' I would probably inexplicably find myself wearing white pants, a blue lace g-string and a crop top and have platinum blonde hair with black re-growth.

Shit. I could get sued for this.

Things mentioned in this post:
Denny's
McDonalds
American Obesity Statistics
Mullets

and I somewhat inspired by this article:
As You Can See From My Band-Name Clothing, I Am Not Poor

[ UPDATE: Grits are "usually a breakfast item in the US Southern region. Made from the kernel of corn. When corn has been soaked in lye and the casing has been removed it becomes Hominy. The lye is rinsed out very well and the corn is left to harden. Then the swollen hominy is ground up to the texture of tiny pellets. When boiled with water, milk and butter it becomes a cereal similar to cream of wheat. It's used as a side dish for a good old fashioned Southern breakfast. Sometimes you can make it with cheese and garlic for a casserole." Definition thanks to the Glossary of Cooking Terms ]

2004-01-12T03:38:00.000+13:00

Its not easy living off $800 a year

Ok, so I get food, board, clothing and utilities free (bar the constant nagging a la my mother), but I still have to buy my own:
-
-
-
-
-
Ok, I'll admit it, I dont have to buy anything myself, but $800 a year doesnt stretch as far as it might at first seem.
For example, what if I ... umm ...
Alright, what about when ... no, wait.

Yep, that's right, I am a spoilt brat. I get what I like (within reason, eg. I have to buy my own 4th computer).

"Why? What makes you so special?" some might ask. Well, let me put it in context:
- I am an only child
- I live with both my parents
- Both my parents have reasonably well-paying jobs
- Which they deserve, since they spent well into their 20s (and 30s, and 40s) getting a university education
- I ask for a simple $5 pocketmoney a week
- Everything else my grandmother gives me for helping her out, and generally being a "good girl"
- I dont ask for ridiculously-priced clothes, or anything else.
- If I do want something totally over-priced, I will offer to pitch in (this earns me extra credits, for being so thoughtful)
- I am currently actively seeking employment (earns me extra credits)
- Everyone in the extended family loves me, because I can program their VCRs and feed their goldfish.

"Oh look, the spoilt brat is flashing her cash"
Let me get one thing straight - I only pay in coins when I'm near broke. So really, when I'm paying for that $2 pen with a $20 bill, I am loosing whatever change I get in coinage (usually about $3 - $8). Also, note that I usually only have $5 and $10 notes, and when I do have $20, it means I'm feeling loaded, and have the right to "flash my cash".

For fear of sounding whingy myself -
STOP BITCHING AND GET A JOB, IF YOU'RE FEELING POOR. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

Somewhat inspired by:
$11,000 A Year Doesn't Go As Far As You Probably Think

2004-01-12T02:46:00.000+13:00

Is there anything more insulting than being called a geek by an 11-yr-old?

Erm, yes. So why do 11-yr-olds even bother? This one (a family friend of a friend) decided it would be a good idea to tell me I was a geek, just in case I hadn't realised. Not only that, but my friend (upon regressing 4 years in age) thought she'd better inform me of this fact, too.
Now, I don't know about you, but this to me seems to be social snobbery. (We must remember that both these offenders (and everyone else that has called me a geek) aren't the shiniest coins in the bank.) Yet, no matter how many times I tell people "yes, I am a geek, thank you for noticing", they still think they should remind me in response to everything I say.
If I give my opinions on technology, I get "But yes, you are a geek".
If I say "I prefer Kodak to Agfa", I get "But, well, you are a geek".
If I say "These jeans were $90", then I get told "Yes, but you are still a geek" (like the price of my clothes has anything to do with anything).

If I were in a wheelchair, would I get the same? ...
"LCD screens look better, but I'd miss my old monitor" - "But yes, you are disabled."
"I prefer Kodak to Agfa" - "But, well, you are in a chair."
"These jeans were $90" - "Yes, but you are still a cripple."
No, I wouldnt. If you said these things you would be shunned for life.

Now, I knew what I was signing myself up for when I admitted to the world that I like computers and video technology, and reading, and all the other stuff I enjoy, but I couldnt have foreseen the idiocy of people in general.
Friends no longer enjoy being seen "out and about" with me. Not only do they glaze over when I'm talking about something I enjoy, but they actually tell me "You know, I dont care, because you are a geek". Well, cheers.
They are performing the "tell the geek she's weird" ritual, and they are assuming I like hearing them whine on about
- their horse-riding camp
- their church youth-group
- their dancing competition
- their family's holiday to Australia/USA/Britain/India ...
- their second-cousin's wedding
- their inattentive boyfriend
- their favourite item of clothing, and how it doesnt make them look like a fat whore (cough)
- their Marmite fettish
- Lord of the Rings
or anything else they think I might want to hear about. News for them, I dont give.

Well done, you've met someone who doesnt care about
- advanced hair care
- having a tan
- getting a boyfriend (ignore the above, I was simply being ironical)
- what's going on in American/Australian/New Zealand Idol.
Make sure to tell your grandkids.

Links to items mentioned in this post:
Kodak
Agfa
Marmite
Lord of the Rings
American Idol
Australian Idol
New Zealand Idol

This post was inspired (somewhat strangely) by this article:
Carload Of Faggots Just Pulled Up To Drive-Thru, Cashier Reports
(Not that I'm alluding geeks to faggots, it just ... oh, shut up.)

2004-01-12T01:24:00.000+13:00

I, seriously, need more (and better) links. Nobody ever has anything good, and if they do, they want to see it, and nobody I know gets to read this site. Occasionally I'll print off or email someone a few posts, to make their nagging cease, but I never give out the URL or name or anything.

Anyway, I need links. This is your chance - contact me and give me something noteworthy.

2004-01-10T01:38:00.000+13:00

My all-time favourite game. Ever. Period.

Bejeweled

[ Note: I usually don't like to support MSN, as I dislike it almost as much as Hotmail (which is part of MSN, but an even shittier part). ]

2004-01-10T01:06:00.000+13:00

How many cups of coffee is it good for a 15-yr-old girl to drink in one evening? I mean, when I'm at school I can drink 3+ cups in 5 hours and be wired for the rest of the day.
At home I've drunk 6+ cups of coffee in 2 hours and felt nothing at all. Perhaps because I make such shitty coffee at home. The coffee shop at school is fantastic. They have the students running it as a Commerce project or something, and so all the coffee is made by this really nice 6th-former who hates coffee.
I don't know the name of this guy, which is strange, as I spend quite a lot of time in his presence (waiting for coffee). Not that I talk to him. That would be wierd.

Wow. If you've just read all of the above, well done, its pretty boring. I might go and find some more links for you.

2004-01-10T00:51:00.000+13:00

Did I ever tell you I make the shittiest coffee? I do. Its awful. I can't even get instant coffee right - no matter what I do, I just can't help but make shitty coffee.
This is ironic, as I love coffee almost as much as I love computers. Not quite as much though.
I might go and steal another xmas mince pie from the pantry, and perhaps attempt to make a better cup of coffee.

Oh fuck, this coffee is truly awful.

2004-01-10T00:47:00.000+13:00

So I'm sitting here surfing the 'net for things you people may enjoy. Well, more honestly, things I enjoy and want to push upon everyone else.

So as I sit here in the office, giving myself a repeditive strain injury from typing and clicking and having my seat far too low for the height of the monitor, and drink my cup of revolting coffee, and eat my stolen Xmas mince pie, I feel inclined to share with you what makes my father such a cheapskate.

My father is a Scotsman - to many people this simple fact will be enough to assume he is cheap straight away. OK, here's the thing - its January the 10th, and well past Christmas, and Dad just came back from the supermarket grinning like he's just won the lottery.
In the basket was all the cheap stuff he could find - all of a Christmas theme. Xmas mince pies, xmas puddings, powdered custard in xmas packaging, xmas toilet paper ...
Yes, toilet paper.
No court would convict me if I smothered him with a pillow stuffed with xmas toilet paper, would they?

2004-01-10T00:37:00.000+13:00

This lady seems to know what shes talking about when it comes to British comedy. Read the post of Monday the 5th of January.

That's what I'm talking about.

But where's Red Dwarf?

2004-01-10T00:27:00.000+13:00

Yo, I just found this random guy's blog and have been inspired.

I must find myself a book of things to do every day. Maybe not. I dunno if I can be bothered. Its a fantastic idea.

Badgertastic, even.

2004-01-10T00:07:00.000+13:00

ARGH! One of my better friends just told me her brother is working at Dick Smith Electronics. This is frightening, as I have totally fallen for a sales guy there. Worry not, dear readers, I am not breaking my rules, her brother isnt the hot sales guy.
Almost got you going there, didnt I?
Although her brother is very nice, and reasonably good looking (tall, smart, geeky ...), he's 1) too old for me 2) against my rules.*

* For those who don't yet know of my rules:
- The following are out-of-bounds: crushes and boyfriends of friends and family, cousins, brothers of my friends, teachers and other authority figures.
- The perfect guy would be: tall (6foot+ is preferable), male, geeky and smart.

2004-01-09T23:55:00.000+13:00

Alas, nobody is linking to me!

If you're reading this, chances are you are a blogger too. If so, get your ass into gear and link. Even if you're not linking here, I reckon you should keep a large range of links handy. Everyone loves links.
I know I'm not a great one for keeping my sidebar up-to-date, but I do add things whenever I come across something really good.

Go on - everyone loves links. If you want traffic, blog regularly, make it interesting and ADD MORE LINKS!

2004-01-09T18:07:00.000+13:00

Dick Smith Electronics, your sales people are drool-worthy

This title has a double meaning, not only are the sales guys hot, but also a bit slow on the up-take.
I was in there looking for an i.link-to-USB cable for my camera with my father (this is where I went wrong, obviously, as my father doesnt know what he's talking about). After a while, a sales guy appeared "Can I help you?"
(I was, at the time, sitting reading a Firewire box, pretending to not know my father.)
After it was pointed out that Dad was looking at the wrong cables (I knew that, but will he listen?), the sales guy took us to the Firewire cables.
He spent the next 20minutes explaining Firewire to my Dad (something I couldve done, had it been relivant) ...
When the guy asked us whether we had a Firewire card, I said "No", and Dad promptly said "I dunno".
The guy then tries to show Dad what the jack looks like, but can't, cos Firewire is being phased out and none of their new model computers have it (anyone in the know knows that Firewire is old news).
The guy still doesnt trust my judgement (cos its clear by now Dad hasnt a clue, even through he's still doing the talking).

The sales guy was very hot (think about it - tall, geeky ...), and he did think that he knew what he was talking about. Its not his fault he doesnt know about Sony's i.link-to-USB cable (which I was hoping I didnt have to drive 40mins to buy). Dick Smith doesnt sell Sony ...

But thats no excuse for not believing me.

Although I can see why I might not be trusted ... what with being a 15yr old girl ...

I should apply for a job there. I obviously know what I'm talking about more than some of their staff does.

2004-01-09T00:47:00.000+13:00

Well, its the 8th today, so I suppose I should admit to having them. Yes. Here are ...

My New Years Resolutions:

- Get a job.

- Get my drivers licence.

- Make more male friends (girls are so boring!)

- Concentrate and do well at school.

- Blog more, and keep the links up-to-date, and all that other maintenence stuff on the blog. (I was getting a bit slack.)

Progress so far:
- Have filled in application form for a job at the local pet store.
- Have learnt the Road Code, and know where to go to sit my theory test.
- Have been talking to some of the guys in my class on the 'net.
- [ I'm not back to school yet, so I cant do anything ]
- I have been blogging (lots, as you can see), as well as updating the links, finding more, etc.

Yeah, that's about it ...

I'm going looking for more links.

2004-01-08T23:41:00.000+13:00

Hurrah!

Keanu Reeves in New Movie

drool factor unknown, but he's playing a doctor. I dunno when I'll be able to see the film, but when it comes out I'm gonna be first in line.

[ drool ]

take the link, if you want to know the plot ... god knows why you'd care about the plot ...

Something's Gotta Give

2004-01-08T01:56:00.000+13:00

I'm still surfing around, looking at stuff. Most of it's shitty, but I thought I'd tell you about Intellectual Whores.
I recommend their Ladder Theory, although I shouldnt, because I am a bitch (read it and you will understand).

shit. I am wasting my time.

Alright, now I have to make a decision:
give up and go to bed
OR continue for another hour, then go to bed
OR blog a bit more and then go to bed.

Hmm ... its a hard one. I think I'll turn off the computer and go to bed now, instead of wasting everyone's time staying online.

But first, Spider Solitare.

2004-01-08T01:33:00.000+13:00

I've been scouring Ringworks, looking for more goodies like Computer Stupidities and Things People Said. Here are the results:

Don't Throw a Brick Straight Up

The Filmmaker's Exam*

I Think

The Dialectizer**

* We all know I have a soft spot for Keanu Reeves, but I do have to agree with them that he is a shitty actor. See here for more Matrix critisism.

** This isn't nearly as much fun as the Google translator (translate from English to something else, then back to English. Hours of fun for the whole family).

2004-01-08T00:44:00.000+13:00

After several hours of work, I have now updated all my links.
(Note: the hours I spent collecting Blog Seach Engines for you, my dear readers. After all, I'm a big fan of blogging, and I see no reason why I can't help other people find more blogs.)

If you find any dead links, or something's gone awry, you know the drill - email me and tell me off.

I appologise in advance.

2004-01-07T23:06:00.000+13:00

I just found this depressing yet hillarious site.

I am particularly fond of BitterSweets

And I want one of these

And one of these tshirts.

Also, while you're surfing, check out the Chuch Sign Generator

If you have any interesting sites to recommend, email me and ill take a look.

2004-01-07T01:14:00.000+13:00

Windaz 2000 - the operating system for Aussies

I stumbled across this a little late, but here's the info anyway.

Thanks to Super Fast Computer.

2004-01-07T01:10:00.000+13:00

AH HA! I am right! Britany Spears did get married!

Here's the proof:
BBC
CNN
MTV
NZOOM
XtraMSN

And guess what? She's getting it anulled, so - on a technicality - everyone who put money on when shes getting divorced has lost some cash. All the more for me. [ refer to Monday's post ]

2004-01-07T00:37:00.000+13:00

If You Had $30 to Spare, what would you buy - a CD or thirty pineapples?

30 pineapples please!
pineapples are the best fruit in the world. not only do they taste damn fine, but theyre cheap too! God knows why theyre so cheap at the moment, but for $0.99 I can buy myself a giant, sweet, juicy pineapple and I am not complaining.
some people say strawberries / blueberries / raspberries are better. I say get a grip - berries are a waste of money. For 100 grams of blueberries you can expect to pay $3 or $4, easily. I weighed a pineapple today, and it was over a kilo.

That's right, I can pay $4 for 100 grams of blueberries, which i dont even like, OR pay 99 cents and get myself 10 times that weight in a far superior fruit - the pineapple.

What do you think?

2004-01-06T23:50:00.000+13:00

In appology for my previous posts (which seem to have offended everyone, including myself), I have the following -

A Blog Entry Without A Title

oh, shit.

2004-01-06T00:16:00.000+13:00

Do you like Evanesence? I dont.

Evenesence isnt a bad band, but its not a good bad either.
people like Evanesence because they think its cool to be gothic and not mainstream. how far are they from the truth? very.
girls who like Evanesence are the same girls who liked Avril Lavigne, and who think dressing like their favourite singer makes them cool as well.
guys to like Evenesence must be gay, because it is clear this band is aimed at teenage girls who want to seem moody and gothic, but are really not.

the lead singer cant sing for shit. have you heard her live? she sucks. a tone deaf pensioner with a lung infection could sing better than her. it is obvious that in recordings she has had her voice altered to make is more bearable.

if you ignore the voice and listen to the music in the background (i know its hard because the vocals are so shitty) you will hear that it is actually a pop beat. their songs are, essentially, pop music with bad lyrics.

in conclusion, if you like Evanesence, and you can't proove your insanity, then you should be beaten with a burning log until you change your taste in music.

2004-01-05T23:43:00.000+13:00

In The Cold, Cold, Night

or should i say boiling hot portion of the day with a moon!!! Flippin' heck its boiling.

anyway ... was i right in hearing a certain Ms Spears got hitched in Vegas yesterday? if yes, im starting a book on when she'll get her divorce.

current odds:
15:1 tomorrow ; 12:1 Thursday ; 2:1 this time next week ; 3:1 Valentines Day ; 32:1 late August

shit. i could get sued for this. oh well. its her own fault for being such a skank in the past. (cough justin timberlake scenario cough.)

sorry. i wont do it again.

2004-01-05T01:37:00.000+13:00

If YoU ThInK iTs CoOl To CaPiTaLiSe EvErY SeCoNd LeTtEr - BoY dO i HaVe NeWs FoR yOu!!!

It is not cool.
It never has been, it never will be.
Its like leet plug-ins and smilies - its a waste of time.
If you have enough spare time to waste it on frivollous crap, then get a job.
Stop wasting my time. We already know you're a dumbass, you don't need to show us again.

2004-01-05T01:27:00.000+13:00

I know I use the word 'hate' often, but ...

I Hate People Who Alter the Matrix Code to Horizontal

I just found yet another blog containing a horizontal Matrix-style code.

Not only that, but it contains something I hate just as much - Asian-style cartoons.

Not to be a cartooning-racist or anything, but what are these animators trying to pull?
Europeans do not have eyes shaped like grave stones.
Also, nobody could possibly have legs that long. Look at them! They're longer than Barbie's!! If your torso is that short, then you must have been in some serious traffic accident.

... Which takes me neatly to my next pet hate ...

If You Don't Want to Wear a Seatbelt, Then You Can't Bitch When You Get Head Injuries and/or are Crippled

Which makes me think the Americans have finally got something right. The USA is the only developed country I know where you don't have to wear a seatbelt if you don't want to. I New Zealand you are required by law to wear a belt. And not just any safety belt - it has to be in good, working order!!!
(Shock! Horror! to those who whinge about getting their Warrant of Fitness.)

Look, if you want to be thrown through a sheet of windscreen glass and land on the asphalt, then go right on ahead. If you want broken bones, concussions and internal bleeding then be my guest.

As you can probably tell, I am an evolutionist.

Modern medicine has done nothing good for the Planet Earth.

Think about it:

Modern medicine -> more people alive for longer -> more people on Earth -> overpopulation -> pollution and extinction of species essential in the ecosystem

Eventually all life on this planet will die, and humans will need to find someplace else to inhabit. But it doesnt matter where we move to (if at all, after all, we may be extinct by the time the damage is really being felt), we'll do the same to every place we live.

And people say I'm a pessimist.

PS. still no word from Dan.

2004-01-05T00:30:00.000+13:00

If you scratch a CD you should be hung

I'm sorry, but if you cant look after a CD, then theres no helping you. it should be society's responsiblity to put you out of your misery, and to end ours.

I borrowed a CD from my friend's mother so i could burn a copy for myself. When i went over to pick up the CD, there was 15minutes of searching. In the end it was found - shiny side down - on the coffee table. A mug had been sitting on it, and it had a brown ring on it. My friend picked it up, and (because she was carrying her dog (dont ask), didnt have a spare hand) held it between her teeth. while she dealt with the dog, she attatched the CD to the side of the fridge with a strong magnet.

But it doesnt just end there.

it turns out this family doesnt keep their CDs in cases, or even in neat stacks. it took another 5minutes to find a case (which i insisted i have, to carry it in).

when my friend was putting the CD into the case, she flicked it over to check for dust. she blew at it, then, to wipe away the spit, wiped it with her greasy hands.

"Umm ... Thanks" I said, before running away to weep over these crimes against humanity.

Needless to say, the CD was seriously damaged.

If you are, or are like, this person, I want you to seriously consider switching back to audio and video cassettes and floppy disks.

2004-01-01T20:25:00.000+13:00

Summer and Why I Dislike it So Strongly

summer is the season for skimpy clothes i dont have the body for.
summer is the season for hot days and humid nights.
summer is the season for moulting pets and fleas.
summer is the season for tanned goddesses, and my sunburn.
summer is the season for afternoon walks, soccer games, beach cricket, volleyball.
summer is the season for swimming - with its skimpy swimsuits, sunburn and required physical ability.
summer is the season my friends go on holiday.
summer is the season i look after their pet mouse for months on end without a 'thank you'.
summer is when they come home and take at least a week before they realise something's missing and phone me asking if i have their pet.
summer is the only season i have a fashionable hairstyle, and no one sees it.
summer is the season i have to go to family get-togethers and barbeques with family aquaintences i dont know the names of.
summer is the season people ask me to get out of my pajamas and go outside to get some 'fresh air and exercise'.
summer is when people tell me to come inside before i get sunburnt.
summer is the smell of sunscreen and insect repellent.
summer is my mothers excuse for her hot flushes.
summer is lame.

the only good thing about summer is that i dont have school for 8weeks. plus theres my birthday and christmas, but those arent as important as school holidays.

2004-01-01T20:03:00.000+13:00

The 1990s - The Shittiest Decade So Far

Think about it.
Its true.

2003-12-28T01:01:00.000+13:00

My mini-career as a director come producter come actor come writer come costume and set designer is well on its way.

my parents bought me a video camera.

but not just a shitty one - this $1000 hunk of metal and plastic casing is something to envy. plus, theres the tripod and ultra-funky carry case. i love sony.

now ... all i need to do is find something to film. and someone to act. and someone to operate the camera.
{ why dont you do it, smartarse? } cos i cant be screwed.
i have a vision, actually.
i cant tell you what it is (i dont want some fancy pants movie producer snatching my idea).
i also have a spark of an idea about something else.

the only problem is i have no actors.
i have 2 friends who think they can act.
theyre not the best - of that i am certain - but they might have to do.
although they always change scripts and talk back to the writer.
they never learn their lines.
theyre slack - never turn up on time.
they bitch and whinge that im a slavedriver and walk out halfway though a shoot.
they demand lunch at 12.30 on the dot, and if their vegetarian hamburger isnt ready when they are then theres hell to pay. i didnt even know there was such a thing as a vegetarian hamburger.
when the day is over they never leave the set ( cough my house cough ), so i have to sit around talking to them when all i really want to do is watch over 5hrs of footage.
they demand bloopers be taped over EVEN IF THEYRE STILL GOOD FOR EDITING!
if there's a particularly funny blopper, its mandatory to watch it over and over and over and over and over for hours until i run screaming from the room tearing my hair out.
after 20mins of filming, they get into one of two moods - silly or sulky.
silly is when they run around smudging their makeup and breaking the props.
sulky is only mildly better, because at least they dont break things.
sometimes sulky will follow silly. this is extra annoying and timewasting, as someone has to talk them out of the mood and then things have to be fixed before filming can resume.

is it any wonder we have never finished a movie?

if it was possible i would work only with myself. i would produce, write, direct and act in everything myself. unfortunately it doesnt work like that.
i have one short film in which its only me - with the added bonus of no dialogue to learn. i have a friend already lined up to film it for me, but shes buggered off on holiday and doesnt know when she'll be home.
how she doesnt know when she'll get home is a question i dont want to ask.

people suck.

2003-12-28T00:41:00.000+13:00

Don't you hate it when you're looking around the net for a decent blog to read, and all you can ever find are one-post-wonders?

you know the ones. in fact, you're probably one of them.

they think theyre so flash - they make a neat little spot for themselves to write about whatever their genius minds like, and then they post one thing. its usually "hey! im a sad, fat loser. read my blog lots so i dont feel like such an arsehole."
we all know we're not coming back.
hell, most people dont even return to blogs they LIKE!
face it - theyve read all your jokes, they think they know you already - why bother coming back to check for updates?

the problem with most blogs is that theyre not updated often enough. once a day isnt enough. people want to refresh the page and find something new every 5minutes. and if you're just saying crap theyll move on. quantity and quality.

what most serious bloggers need is a fulltime job which allows them to blog 8 / 9 hours a day, but have something to say as well. *snort*

2003-12-20T23:45:00.000+13:00

oh, and by the way ...

i dont think i like Hot-In-Glasses Mike anymore ...

(oh, and just in case you didnt realise, "Hot-In-Glasses Mike" is most definately not his actual name. some people who've read this think it is. * cough thickarses cough *

2003-12-20T23:42:00.000+13:00

mwahahaha - playing the "Who do you like?" game with rupert.

oh shit. i gave him a bad hint. shit.

2003-12-13T21:56:00.000+13:00

TV sucks

I was watching Baywatch this evening, while i was eating my dinner. puppets could act better than that cast. take thunderbirds as proof. and the plot - dont even get me started.

tv should never run repeats. baywatch was bad enough the first time 'round.
the only things that should be repeated are "Monty Python's Flying Circus" and "Red Dwarf". most people dont even know what im talking about.

PATHETIC

if you dont know what Monty Python is you should have your right hand amputated. if you dont know what Red Dwarf is you should have your left hand amputated. if you dont know what either of them are you should be decapitated.
and thats me being generous and accomodating for Americans.

in fact Monty Python and Red Dwarf should be the only things EVER played on TV. on every channel. yes, all 5 of them. Triangle TV is so shitty it doesnt count as a channel, so itll will be taken off the air, leaving the proper channels to play the decent shows.

there should also be no adverts. advert will disrupt the programmes.

therefore, when i become queen of the universe, i will ban all TV and radio and movie theatre advertising. anyone caught advertising in this way will be slaughtered. brutally.

im a big fan of capital punishment.

2003-12-12T23:12:00.000+13:00

On why pirates rule:

you cant beat a pirate. male pirates are sexy, and female pirates are empowered.
i was thinking of becoming a pirate.
i went to the $2 shop and bought myself a plastic sword and eyepatch. i wore the eyepatch, and carried the rapier down to the mall and growled at some kids. their mother came up to ask me to stop, and i cut her up with my cheap plastic rapier.
the security guards cornered me, but i cut them up too. they didnt complain, because it served them right for messing with a pirate.

[ note : the above is purely fictional. mog does not encourage "cutting up" anybody with plastic rapiers. if you're going to "cut" anyone "up" use the real shit - its so much more efficient. ]

2003-12-12T23:03:00.000+13:00

i had a birthday party. it was meant to be outside, but because i live in auckland it rained the day before. and that morning. and while the party was going on. and all that night, followed by the next day. the rain eased off yesterday. as if to make up for all the rain, i went to my friends house all today and got sunburnt.
my birthday's next week. its nothing to look forward to. they say that age 11 is the last year you expect people to make a big deal about your birthday. how true is that.
hopefully ill get that video camera ive been asking for from my parents. although i sortve doubt it.

i hate romantic comedies.

2003-12-05T20:12:00.000+13:00

Got false hopes? Blame romantic comedies

i hate romantic comedies. my life would be 700% better if i had never seen a romantic comedy.
if all scripts for romantic comedies were burnt then i would never have known about romance, and therefore i wouldnt dare dream of [insert current crush] sweeping me off my feet.
i hate dreams.

2003-12-05T01:26:00.000+13:00

New Zealand ~ Middle Earth

if i ever have to look at another Lord of the Rings-themed anything ever again i will set myself on fire.
i hate Lord of the Rings. it is the most boring thing i have ever had the misfortune of coming in contact with. it is a boring book. they made that book into some of the most boring films in the universe. whats so great about it? thats right, nothing.
and guess what? {what?} because some boring, fat, ugly director chose to make his boring movies in NZ we (as in all of NZ) have to put up with every company under the sun cashing in on this awful pile of shit they call a film.
our envelopes are franked with "New Zealand ~ Middle Earth", tv refers to NZ as "Middle Earth", americans think NZers are midgets with hairy feet.
let me get some things straight:
New Zealand is in no way related to Middle Earth, NZ just happened to be where Peter Jackson made the movies.
NZers are nothing like hobbits in any way, we are just as (probably more) evolved as the rest of the world is.
while im at it - you know those brown furry fruit with the green inside? yeah? theyre called KIWIFRUIT not "kiwi". a kiwi is a flightless bird. kiwi is also another name for New Zealanders. kiwifruit are not native to NZ. they are also called Chinese Gooseberries. kiwifruit just happen to grow well here.
if i dare hear another annoying American referring to kiwifruit as "kiwi" i will personally track them down and beat them with a dirty stick. i mean it. its a pet hate of mine.

im hungry. im going to bed.

2003-12-05T01:11:00.000+13:00

Hot-In-Glasses Mike is still online. should i say something?

or should i just give up trying to write a decent blog and go to bed?

2003-12-05T01:07:00.000+13:00

fucking hell. this is the most boring blog i have ever written. no, not just this post, the entire bloody thing.

2003-12-03T19:57:00.000+13:00

been catching Hot-In-Glasses Mike looking in my direction in form class. is this a good sign? should i stop being such a fool, as it is clear that he likes someone else. even if she doesnt like him, its not my place to barge in.

im too fucking polite.

did you know, everyone seems to hate weblogs.
i dont blame them.
most are shitty.
including mine.

finally its the end of school. i love the first days of the summer holidays - my birthday, xmas, new year. after the 5th of Jan its just all downhill. the day before doing back to school is the worst.
oh well. theres a party tomorrow.

i wish i was back at school. form class, namely. its the only chance i have to sneak looks at Hot-In-Glasses Mike.
im such a stalker.

2003-12-02T20:46:00.000+13:00

Shit. Its been a while.
Quick update:
- had 3 exams (English, Maths, Geography). Eng was the only easy one. doesnt matter that much if i fail though.
- not much has happened about Hot-In-Glasses Mike.
- only one day of school left - and tomorrow's just a prizegiving. ill be free by noon.
- had to euthanise my 3 and a 1/2 yr old mouse this afternoon. to be honest im not that upset - mice are only ment to live 18months and she was getting really sick (skin infection).
- havent drunk a drop for several weeks. pat on the back for me. must not become a alco.
- december has officially been dubed the best month of the year - end of school, my birthday, xmas ... then it all ends in new years eve, a bloody good excuse for a drink.

lots more. cant be bothered say it all. too lazy.

also too lazy to capitalise. please excuse the punctuation.

damnit. Mike was wearing his glasses all day today. damn hes hot. not so much without his glasses though. a nice guy all the time though. wish he knew i existed.

ok ... he knows i exist. but not well enough.

i have a friend (Jo), who likes a guy (called American Sam - or at least thats what i call him). American Sam is really really really really really nice to Jo. theyve been friends for the past 2yrs. its bloody obvious they have things for eachother - always cuddly (although not weirdly cuddly, as American Sam is a touchy-feelly person anyway).

thats what i want.

but with Hot-In-Glasses Mike.

not American Sam. hes too short. and Jo's.

hmmm .... as it flows on quite fittingly, here are my

Rules:
1.) One must not consider the follow persons as 'real people':
- crushes and boyfriends of friends and family
- cousins
- brothers of friends
- teachers and other authority figures
2.) To be 'real' a guy must be:
- taller than me, preferably over 6 foot.
- male
thats it. im in no position to be picky.
3.) Only real people can be considered as more than a friend.

Damn. was just talking to Mike again. hes dissappeared cos i didnt say anything for 2mins. should i be worried?
fuck it. not my fault he doesnt say goodbye.
actually, it probably is.

2003-11-17T19:29:00.000+13:00

just heard a cold remedy:
honey
lemon juice
ginger
panadol
neurofen
asprin
some kind of alcohol

sounds bloody good.
might try that over the Xmas holidays.

bloody good.
itd probably kill me.
lovely.

am sitting on the internet (while my mum's got dinner waiting for me), waiting for Hot-In-Glasses Mike.
shame my nickname for him is so lame. it hardly rolls off the tip of the tongue.
it describes him pretty well tho.

HOT-IN-GLASSES MIKE WRITES SONGS!!!!! this is definately good.
i cant tell anyone tho. that would be a breech of his privacy.
he sent me a few to read. theyre not fantastic, but the ryhmings pretty cunning. hes so hot.

got pissed last night and wrote over 20 pages in my diary. i wrote until the very end of the last page. it was just a whole lot of shit, really.
"notes to self
1)i fucking love mike
2)i really really really fucking love the piss
3)i needa pee. be right back
4)im the most beautiful person in the world. the whole world.
5)ele is right - i am chunky. im so fat.
6)i really fucking love mike"
theres tons more, even tho i only managed to write about 10 words on every page. i opened it this morning and couldnt read some of it - lots of words were just wiggly lines.

i should go eat dinner, then study. i doubt Hot-In-Glasses Mike will come online - we have an English exam tomorrow morning.

2003-11-16T15:40:00.000+13:00

Important exams are coming up.
I'm not studying yet.
I probably should - English is on Tuesday morning, Maths on Wednesday afternoon, Geography is sometime in the next week. Tuesday i think.
I should probably know when my exams are.

I should also know what the exams are assessing.

Chen's been helping me with that - teaching me little bits of maths. (chen's this guy in my class, hes excellent at maths, really nice and interesting.)

Ohhhhh ... talking to hot-in-glasses Mike ... about maths tho ... not so good ...

I must be careful about switching windows - dont want Hot-In-Glasses Mike knowing everything.

Oh dear. a lul in the conversation. Shit. what do i do?

Doesnt matter, hes disappeared anyway.

I might go be sad elsewhere.

2003-11-16T15:16:00.000+13:00

Been a while since i last posted.

Still no word from Dan.

I never liked him anyway.

Mike, on the other hand, has far surpassed my all expectations.
mmmm ... yummy.

Update: my new catchphrase is "mmmmmmm ... keanu".

Current desktop: keanu reeves looking confused. over the top is a groovy little prog which scrolls the matrix symbols down the page.
i love it.

Have taught self HTML - am glad i did. makes life so much easier.

2003-08-31T19:42:00.000+12:00

Apparently New Plymouth has been named the most optimistic town in New Zealand. Mind you, you'd bloody have to be to live there.

2003-07-27T18:32:00.000+12:00

i just had the mantus idea for a website. sorry to use the word 'mantus' - i promise i wont ever say it again.
anyway, this site would be the site with the most hits ever!!
ok, maybe not as many as nzoom or something, but in my circles it would be huge news. and best of all it would be all my idea. ok, sure, someone might have thought of it before, but i would be the one to make it happen.
ok, so here it is (are you ready) ...
a site containing all the answers for any possible school work set at AvCol.
ok, sure, it would take a while.
ok, more than a while.
yeah, i know id be working on it until i turn 30.
and yeah, i am aware that by spending all my spare time building the site i would basically write off any chance i had of a social life.
ok, so perhaps it wasnt a great plan ...
alright ... i give up. i wont do it.

from all the blogs ive read over the past 6months or so i have come to some conclusions:

1.) nobody interesting can keep a blog for more than a fortnight. all good blogs stop getting posts not long after ive discovered them - usually they stop during a cliffhanger, which pisses me off no end.

2.) most blogs i find are of teenage boys who are obsessed with computer games and use their own special short-hand, which no one but themselves and other gamers can understand.

3.) i am only ever interested in reading the blogs of teenage male gamers, yet cannot decifer the short-hand and bad grammer.

4.) everyone is american except me.

5.) only harrassed mothers with pre-school aged children enjoy blogging more than middle-aged computer programmers.

6.) i invariably hate reading blogs from the above 2 groups.

7.) nobody uses proper spelling and grammar these days. i know im a bad example (i hate using apostrophies and capitalising my 'i's), but i at least dont say ne1 (= anyone) very often.

8.) nobody reads my site, yet i read everybody else's. how is this possible? i mean is mine so bad that nobody ever wants to come back to it? honest, you can tell me.

theres more, but my typing's gone to pieces over the last few minutes.

all this makes me wonder why i keep this up. if nobody likes reading it and im just wasting my time then why bother at all?
i like writing like this. ive always been big on diaries and journals and the like. actually, i love writing like this more than most other things. in fact i often cant think of something id rather be doing. true, sometimes i wanna watch TV or eat an entire packet of potato chips, but id always pick this over some silly computer game or sport.
i wonder if there's a way of making a career out of this?
dad would be pissed. i think he's always liked the idea of me being something a bit flasher than out-of-work writer. ive always quite liked the idea of being a teacher, but recently thats become less and less appealing.
i dunno why i dont wanna teach any more. ive liked the idea off and on since i was 6 years old. ive gone through phases of pre-school, primary school and high school teaching, yet i still have no idea what i wanna do.
really what i wanna do is write and read blogs. i wanna work at blogger or something, but i hated IT classes at school. i dont wanna learn to be a programmer or something. i dont wanna learn how to put toddlers to sleep at nap time. i dont wanna learn how to teach 6 year-olds to read and write and i definately dont wanna have to control a pack of students like my class at school.
good god. what am i going to do?
i quite like the idea of doing a degree in English, but then when would i use it?
at school at the moment theyre making all the students pick their classes for next year (i know! its only july!!). wednesday afternoon is a planning evening - where all the different departments at the school and all the univerisities have reps showing everyone all the different things they can do when we leave school.
id rather die than go with my parents. really, i honestly would.
mum wants me to do lots of sciences so i can be a chemist. yeah, right. science is one of my worst subjects (ok, so i do well on exams, that doesnt mean im good at it!).
i dunno what dad thinks im keen on. i suppose all he wants is for me not to be a doctor or a lawyer. he's in luck. i hate those ideas.
what else can i possibly do?
i dont speak any foreign languages - except Latin, which doesnt count as no one normal can speak/read it.
im not very good at maths (thanks to Mr WLA my maths teacher for this year) - but what can you do with maths anyway?
PE? you've gotta be kidding.
singing? dancing? performance in anything? HA! what a joke. i get stage-fright. im absolutely petrified of public speaking. im not flexible and i dont do leotards. i can sing reasonably well, but im not a performer in any sense of the word.
acting? im not good-looking enough. id need a fair few operations to make me a screen actress (boob job, tummy tuck, lyposuction, nose job, chin re-modelling ...). stage? did you read the above paragraph?
vet? i gave up on that when i was 10 and my cat had about a litre of pus drained from her. (i was joking about the litre part of it, it was only about a teaspoon.) yurgh.
policewoman? firewoman? navy? army? cook? waitress? cleaner? maid? i dont do the services.

help! what can i do? i suppose i can just continue with what im good at and hope that i can find something before i turn 18 and have to do the whole univeristy thing. maybe i can just take any old course so i can get into the whole 'student' scene and drink myself into a stupor every night. then ill be so drunk that i wont have to think about it.

christ. if anyone has any ideas about what i can do for a living, email me.